As I mentioned in my previous post, I am thoroughly enjoying Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. You would think that I would just intuitively know if my children were "spirited," but it seems helpful to go through a list of qualities and determine where they are most spirited, in order to understand better what kinds of things can trigger spirited behavior.
My next exercise is to go through these qualities and rate them on a scale of 1 to 5. Each quality has examples of low and high-scale behavior, to help me figure it out. I won't spoil it for anyone who wants to go get her book and do it for themselves, but I will show you the example that best characterizes my kids, to give you a flavor of what the scales are like.
Intensity: the strength of emotional reactions.
Boo has a pretty high score here. An example that really fits her is "easily frustrated." Nothing can convince her of success of a task, unless success is the first thing that happens. Boo gets a 4.5-5 on this scale.
Pickle scores pretty low on this scale, which surprised me. One thing that's easy to do with two children is to treat them as a "unit" of kids; each gets the same amount of treats, discipline, etc. But personality is individual. I'd score Pickle a 2.5 on the scale.
Persistence: Locking in, not giving up a task for something else.
This is where Pickle shows her spirited qualities. If an answer is "no," you can bet that she'll be back shortly to see if that answer has changed. I'd give her a 4 on this scale, because there was one item mentioned on this scale that rarely happens (crying for hours), otherwise persistence is her middle name.
I think Boo is in the middle on this one. While she will pout if asked to give up an activity and can sometimes do that for quite awhile--she can accept "no" as an answer, as long as there's an explanation along with the "no." I'd put her at about 3.
Sensitivity: reactivity to sounds, smells, tastes, and textures.
Both of the girls score high on this scale, 4-4.5, at least. But it manifests in different ways: Pickle is sensitive to sounds and smells (to the point of it being embarrassing if she smells something bad at a friend's house, or in a store), Boo is sensitive to textures. Tags in clothing are a big deal--they itch, scratch, and otherwise make her miserable. Foods with strong textures have been known to make her gag, and have since she was an infant.
Perceptiveness: I would categorize this as distractability.
Boo is highly perceptive. Things I would never notice are instantly cataloged by her brain, and she feels the need to study and understand them before moving on. Asking her to perform a simple task, such as getting dressed, will invariably get forgotten because the fish in the tank have new babies and she wants to name each one. Boo gets a 5 here.
Pickle is on the low end of the scale. If her sister is involved, she will get distracted by things, but on her own she does not. I'd put her at about a 2 on this scale.
This is less than half of the scales in the book. I'm learning that the goal is not so much to give them a score and "label" them, as to understand individual areas where it will be necessary to help them adapt to outside (and familial) expectations. I will continue to work through these exercises and share with you our results!
Do you have spirited children? Do you see something here that rings with you?
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