We've Got Spirit, Yes We Do...

I have this really great friend. She recommended a fabulous book when we were thrift store shopping (I told you she's really great, right?), so I bought it. But after buying it and reading the first chapter, I set it aside for a book of fiction (ever escaping reality, I guess) and even though I thought that the first chapter was awesome and written just for me, I hadn't gone back to it.

Well, after yesterday's horror, I decided that it was time to crack Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and get to work.

I. Love. This. Book.


She has the same irritation of labels that I do. But she takes it so many steps farther (and it makes so much sense) than I do. She says that the internal labels we slap on our kids affect our perception of our kids just as much as the labels on soup cans can affect what we want for lunch. Her first exercise (which I will do, right here, in a few paragraphs) asks parents to use all the labels they can think of right now about their spirited children, all the negative ones we think when there's a tantrum, a fight, or a disagreement about clothing choice. Then think of a positive label that is connected to the negative one--we could look at being demanding as having high standards instead. Having high standards is important as an adult, and is something that is direct-able, in a positive way. Good labels are contagious too, and help us and our kids feel better about ourselves and our relationships with them.

But take a step back: what's this "spirited" children thing? Spirited children are "more" according to the author; more energetic, more intense, perceptive, persistent, and sensitive than their fellow kids. They don't have ADHD, or some other kind of medical designation: they are normal kids, just "more". As parents of spirited children, we can get bogged down, exhausted, crabby, etc. more easily because they burn so bright and so fiercely.


So here I go, on this first assignment. I'm going to do it by kid, as I am pretty sure I'm living in a household of two spirited children who move in different directions. Some of these labels will make me (and you) cringe, even if they've never been said aloud. That's the nature of the exercise and is nothing to be ashamed of; the focus is positive change.

Pickle

• Loud becomes: Enthusiastic.
• Evil Child becomes: Experimenter.
• Intense becomes: Energetic.
• Bossy becomes: Assertive.

Here's how it works in my head:
Pickle is usually pretty loud enthusiastic about anything she wants to tell you about, and she can be intense energetic when she wants your attention. She can be quite the evil child experimenter, sometimes this requires the direction of an adult to keep her from using up all of the toilet paper in the sink, or dumping the entire contents of our hair care products into the bathtub. Pickle likes to be bossy assertive; I will probably never have to worry about her being in an abusive relationship.

Boo

• Whiny becomes: Analytical.
• Self-critical becomes: Cautious of failing.
• Angry becomes: Has high standards.
• Nosy becomes: Curious.
• Pokey becomes: Focused.

Again, in my head:

Boo is pretty whiny analytical when we do school because she is quite self-critical cautious of failing. Her anger high standards can make her pokey focused  on a task, so extra time at school is essential. Her nosiness curiosity is limitless, as is her intelligence, so it's wise to keep private conversations quite a distance from her hearing. 

In a way, it reminds me of Mad Libs. It's like two different stories, with only a few of the adjectives changing to make it so. I'm looking forward to learning more about spirited children from Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.